Tangled, Movie review.

I suppose I can't hide it any longer.
yeas, I have a weakness of children's films and I have a weakness for animation. if I could pick what genre i should make movies and stories in, it would be children's.
I am a child of heart and proud of it.
I love older cartoons and I love good cartoons and animation.

Disney.. dear lord Disney. we can always talk about the trivias around you can't we?
Well, here's a piece of history for you before we go into the movie.

Disney animation have been on quite a downer the last.. many years. It all started going disatourus when they closed down the 2D department, but even then it was going dowhill, the last 2-D was "Home on the range" from 2004 which no ones remembers simply because it sucks.
It tries to be fresh and modern, sort of like "Emperors new grow." but have so little thought put into it that it is just sheer randomness so weird that it isn't even funny, and the quality is totally of, there fore it sucks badly.

After that the hand drawn animation studios was closed down and Disney tried to follow the trend with 3-D computer animation and tried to be as modern as possible.. which ended up in some pretty damn forced and badly executed films. ever since "Brother bear" from 2003 Disney didn't manage to spit out one single animated worthwhile film, they tried to be modern and tried to appeal everyone, and there fore appealed to no one. And with all the competition they got in computer animated movies, not only from Dream works and Pixar who are the two giants in computer animation, but also several independent makers as computer animation is also a cheaper and easier way to do movies and get them out. It is no wonder that the cash didn't get back to Disney.
So in the year 2008 and eight they decided to go along with a new plan. well, they had tried to be fresh and new and follow the times, being as hip as possible, and that was a bloody disaster. so know they decided to try and do the opposite. Be classic, go old, and try to draw on the good old days with "Snow white" "the little mermaid." and "beauty and the beast."

We saw the first product of that coming out last December, with the for the first time in six years hand drawn animation film "Princess and the Frog." a movie clearly trying to look like the olden days of little mermaid and beauty and the beast.
What that movie wins on is the pure nostaliga of it all. I had to see it just because it was Disney 2-D movie, and it's a very beautiful one of that. though all in all, it only holds up as an average childrens movie. not really coming close on the golden days of the early 90's sorry.

And the next product of trying to go back to the classic have just now come out with their interpretation of "Rapunzel." called Tangled.

I'm shocked. very shocked.

And not in a good way. this... is not a good movie.
At least it's entertaining and stuff happens and there is humour and colour and stuff.. but it is not good, not in the least, only to often I was left starring blankly at the screen not believing what I was seeing.

When you look at the posters and pictures of the movies, it does look like sort of the olden days girl princess movies.. or more accurately it looks like a barbie movie. Still fine, fairytale, classy. I can life with that. I love beauty and the beast which is a piece of very classic fairytale story telling.
But it's like this movie keeps bailing out and instead of going with the old tries to be new, and modern and fresh.
Quite frankly, from where I am standing classic fairy tale story telling is fresh, simply because no one does it.. the last one who did it was Steven Moffat in his last season of Doctor who.. before that I do have to go all the way back to Beauty and the beast.
And again, this movie tries to appeal to every soul on earth and then just falls flat on it's bum. the humour is just weird.. yeah so the thiefs are in reality just a bunch of granma's. you could not have told it in a weirder more abrupt and handpalm worthy way possible. At least our main just manages to stay light and likeable, though she is close at crossing the boarder. she just manages because she's so innocent. but damn it's close. our leading man and love interest.. well, supposedly he is just the sort of characer I have indeed been searching for in a long time. a true swush buckler who is manly, smuck and enjoys his fighting.. mostly. to bad he is not in a good movie and half his slapstick is so dump that I could hand palm himself.

Though the worst character.. is the villain. She is so god danm bland, and boring and uinteresting that it's ridicoulus! This movie, ladies and gents. feautures the worst Disney villain song in the history of Disney animated! look it up on youtube it is called "Mother knows best" if I didn't know better I would think it was made for a barbie movie.
Which lead us to the most mind numbing aspect of this movie. something that just shocked me out of my wits and left me flabbergasted long looong after the movie finished.

Alan Menken wrote the music for this movie. I freaking love Alan Menken, he wrote just about every single classic disney song known the man. he wrote songs for; The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Pocahontas, Hunch back of Notre Dame and Hercules.

You can say what you want about those movies, but the songs are awesome and have very much personality! Menken have never ever made a boring sound track or boring songs. he have so many sides and so many different genres he can write for. so many catchy classic songs he have written, there is a reason why there is six Oscars on his shelf.

The songs in Tangled sucks.
Every single one of them. they are bland, they are boring, they lack personality and they just suck. And Alan Menken wrote them.

I am shocked, I am beyond shocked. he doesn't have a history of going downhill, this just came out of bloody no where. I have never seen it before, he always write good songs.
I have no idea what happened, if he is going senile, if he was abducted by aliens to have an impersonator write his music. if his puke really did mutated to try and start write music. I am clueless. And I can't put into words how shocked I am.
Even in my mind I can't put the awesomeness of "Belles of Notre Dame" into the same category of "When will my life begin." urgh.. even listen to the title and you know it's not good.

I am not saying this movie is bad because it's a girls movie. I am a girl, and I loved my barbie dolls when I was smaller, I applaud the idea of being classy instead of trying to be fresh and new.
To be honest, I don't think Pixar ever have in mind to appear fresh and new, they just want to tell a story. and Dream works also success best when they forget all about being fresh and new and just have fun with their story, I know "Megamind." might sounds like an attempt of being fresh, but it is a tribute to the good old 50's and 60's James bond/Superhero movies when you come down to it, which just have fun, and that's why it works. And I know people who made it had fun and liked making it, in Tangled I am unsure anyone even wanted to tell this story, if it was what they wanted to do. if they had fun or an idea where they were going or what they wanted.

It has no focus, doesn't know what it wants to be. I see few glimpses of brilliance and what the movie could have been only to be bashed away as the movie knows it's only small kids who is going to see it, and therefore treats the kids like idiots.
Kids are not idiots! stop treating them like it! neither are they made of porcelain and they love a bit of angst. Hunch Back of Notre dame is like the darkest disney movie ever, it came out when I was seven and I came out all right without nightmares, it was just very fascinating to me... if I remember correctly I even saw it twice in cinema. Kids can handle it, it's not that hard.
And if you do wanna go classic fairy tale, I applause it! very much! so go on do it. now one ever sat out to "Be fresh" when they became it.. it just something that happens when somebody is so intense in making their story work that without knowing it they came up with something new.
Everyone keeps saying Harry Potter became a success because it was fresh, yet on closer examination it is build up around ancient old story telling techniques. same goes for every other widely acclaimed franchise or movie out there. I don't know, this movie is just bad. I doubt guys will go in and see it anyhow as they will be scared by the posters, but even little princess obsessed girls will proabably have a better time watching Megamind that this, because at least that movie wants to be ridicoules and have way more focus than this. plus it doesn't have stinking bad songs in it. I love musicals, I love the old disney animated musicals. so it hurts me that this is not a bad movie, and it hurts me even more that for the first time ever I have experienced a bad bland Alan Menken sound track.

And is it just me, or have the movie world gone "Blond-ophobic." This is the first blond princess in beyound a decade, looking every way as the classy picture of a princess is, but yet she is not a real blond because that would be racist or something -_-;
Blonds are only ever allowed to either be a joke on the "Dump blond." or the smart professor nowadays. never ever classy, because that is both racisme towards blonds that they can be more than just a princess and towards people who are not blond as it it claiming blondness is perfection.... idiots. no one thinks that. ... I sincerely hope.

Zorro, from then to now.

Zorro is my favourite swushbuckler of all time, he may be old school. but he is just such great fun and I plainly love him.

I love how he totally steal "the Scarlet Pimpernel's" act and mocks his enemies by playing fobbish as his alter ego Diego De La Vega, I love how Zorro whoops but and have a fun time while doing so, I love the old school romance and that this is all about sword fighting and fun fun fun.

Once again this was first a book, this was written by an author Johnston McCulley in 1919.
I read the book, and its fine. not mind blowing but not disappointing either, its what I would actually expect from the original book, they its bothers the hell out of me that this to is build up as a mystery novel where you don't learn Zorro's identity before the very end.
Though in this novel, even though if you don't know from the beginning, its plainly obvious as we spend all our time either with Zorro or Diego Vega and they never ever are in the same room.
Apparently McCulley have written several Zorro books, and I haven't been able to find more than the first one D,:

Zorro, classic hero rich boy pretending to be a zap called "Diego De La vega" dresses up at nigh as Zorro to spread justice for the people in a black cape and with a mask on.
Guess which character Batman was originally based on? though, unlike Batman Zorro isn't emo.
As Always, I will not cover every Zorro related movie that is out there, only the important stuff, and only very superficially





Only on year after the book release was the first movie made. the silent 1920 "The Mark of Zorro"was the first big movie made by Douglas Fairbanks with himself in the main character, the worlds first action star remember.
This movie is fun! I love it. its really a fell good movie, and its a joy to know this is the first ever swashbuckler movie and went to set the standard for the future. The sword fights are kind of pitifull and silly, but the stunts and acrobatic is top notch plus its just so funny with loads of humour and a classic plot alfa omega. its really surprising how cloesely it follows the book, extremely closely in fact, I don't think I have ever seen a more faithful book interpretation that works.





The remake "Mark of Zorro" from 1940 with Tyrone powers is so overlooked.
This is my favourite Zorro movie, my favourite old swashbuckler movie, and all in all its just one of my favourite movies. Again its a romantic feel good movie with not much human depth going on, but its just so funny! The way that Diego acts like a total sap is hilarious, and Zorro himself is just so awesome. True, sometimes its a bit camped and weird, but its 1940, what can you expect, and Basil Rathbone does of cause plays the villain, for does who don't know. Basil Rathbone was the dude who played all the villains in all swashbuckling movies of the 30's, 40's and 50's, not shit. And the sword duel at the finale of the movie between Tyrone Powers and Basil Rathbone is just such a joy to watch, it just looks amazing.





In 1957, the Disney series of Zorro with "Guy Williams" in the title character started running.
Well, its Disney. its innocent, cutesy and bright, its for people with a childish soul.. though at the same time.. its actually still Zorro, and a quite good Zorro to. he have the sword fighting, the sappy persona, his clever ways of dealing with the oppressing government. so, if you can deal with that this is Disney, its a quite enjoyable series, though some of the humour is a bit to much Disney sometimes, all though other kinds of humour is just right.




"Zorro the gay blade" from 1981 is kind of a weird movie. well its a spoof, so of cause its weird.
And this time Zorro really are two persons, meaning Diego gets hurt and to the rescue comes his downright gay twin brother to take over the Zorro persona. only this time he doesn't pretend to be a zap and gay, he really is.
Well, it does pay tribute to Zorro and it have some really fun clever scenes, I especially like when they set a trap for the villain as the villain throws a masked ball to lure Zorro in. Then Diego spoils the invitation so everybody who enters is dressed as Zorro, and his twin brother who really is Zorro at the moment is dressed as a Lady, and do what they were supposed to do. really odd, but also kind of funny. And that would be this movie.




Another television series. "The new Zorro." Ran on the family channel from 1990 with Duncan Regerh in the title character.
This is kind of a camp experience for me, but it has its charm. Duncan Regerh is a good casting choice for Zorro, but and odd casting choice for Diego De La Vega, and it doesn't help is a head higher than everyone else in the series, so it should kind of obvious that he is Zorro. the writing mixes between just fine, to downright odd to really great, though it have its charm and is also a kind of fell good little low budget series. It would not be the first Zorro related thing I would recommend to check out, but if you are already familiar with the character, it is kind of worth checking out anyhow.





in 1997, prior to the 1998 Antonio Banderas movie a short lived Cartoon series called. "The new Adventures of Zorro" came out.
This was the first interpretation of Zorro I ever saw. I clearly remember watching it as a kid and plainly loving every moment of it, I just didn't miss and episode. but, I haven't been able to find it, not as much as one single episode so I have no idea if its as good as I remember, it is starting to become a long time ago I saw it. it kind of hurts me, and I would just die to give this a revisit.



then of cause in 1998 with had the Antonio Banderas movie "Mask of Zorro."
This.. is actually a sequel, the story is a clear sequel to the 1940 above mentioned Tyrone Powers movie. why its written as a sequel, I really don't know.
Antonio Banderas is perfect as Zorro, I mean he really is Zorro. he looks like Zorro, he talks like Zorro, he moves as Zorro, he fights as Zorro. he is just bloody perfect for the part, which makes it such a shame that he is never allowed to even attempt being "De La Vega" the fobbish side, I mean there are two small scenes with it, but its way underplayed. and that makes this a very medi ocre Zorro movie.
How ever, as a plain adventure and Swush buckler, its a really nice revisit to the old days and using kind of the same camera techniques, fighting styles and story telling as the classic swashbucklers. its great fun, and though it isn't precisely epic, its well worth checking out.





And in 2005, 7 full years after the first Banderas movie came out, the sequel came. "The Legend of Zorro"
Well, with a title with the word "Legend" in it, and after seven years old waiting with Banderas back in the part, you should think it would finally be the epic revisit to the "1940" movie... it isn't. this movie is so bland, boring and medi ocre, even though they try and make the fights bigger and more elaborate, the fights are just not nearly as fun as in the first Banderas movie, the class and the old fell mood seems to be kind of lacking as well, and it is just an disappointing movie, hell. Banderas even suddenly don't look that sexy any more in it, he constantly looks tired and like he really don't wanna be there. Of cause it doesn't help this movie is written by the same freaking people who would move on the write both Transformers films and the Star Trek movie, stop screwing up things I like!

Thankfully I got the Banderas as always wanted him "Shrek 2" where he is totally parodying his own Zorro character while vouching the "Puss in boots" and I freaking love that Cat, he is the perfect little swashbuckler hero and call back to the olden days, I want an entire movie with Puss... which I am actually gonna get... from Dreamworks... I want to pull that statement back....





And finally in 2007, an actually spanish produced television series. "Zorro: La Espada y la Rosa" saw the light of day.
I have not actually seen an episode all the way through, because it did not have subtitles I kind a gave up (yeah, I am ashamed, I'm sorry) But I would really love to watch this with subtitles, it quite frankly looks amazing. It looks all mysterious and mystical and dark and stuff, and of cause have the swashbuckling to. what do I know, haven't really seen it.. sadly.


I said if I could pick a movie Hollywood should produce big box office style, it should be "the Scarlet Pimpernel" and I stand by that statement, however, if I could pick a trilogy, I want bloody Zorro. three movies shoot at the same time story arch, and I don't want stupid sequels, I want a genuine re-boot/Remake.. never thought I should say something like that.. but that is height on my wish list, and it shouldn't even try and be all serious and stuff, but just have a good time with loads of fun.
Hell, I want to write that trilogy.. actually I already started on that back when I was 15... so if I ever make it to Hollywood, that is the big trilogy I wanna make, I just hope no one spoils it before I can do it, though if I am never going to make it to Hollywood, I hope somebody will do it for me and keep the character alive.