Sunday, 28 November 2010

Tangled, Movie review.

I suppose I can't hide it any longer.
yeas, I have a weakness of children's films and I have a weakness for animation. if I could pick what genre i should make movies and stories in, it would be children's.
I am a child of heart and proud of it.
I love older cartoons and I love good cartoons and animation.

Disney.. dear lord Disney. we can always talk about the trivias around you can't we?
Well, here's a piece of history for you before we go into the movie.

Disney animation have been on quite a downer the last.. many years. It all started going disatourus when they closed down the 2D department, but even then it was going dowhill, the last 2-D was "Home on the range" from 2004 which no ones remembers simply because it sucks.
It tries to be fresh and modern, sort of like "Emperors new grow." but have so little thought put into it that it is just sheer randomness so weird that it isn't even funny, and the quality is totally of, there fore it sucks badly.

After that the hand drawn animation studios was closed down and Disney tried to follow the trend with 3-D computer animation and tried to be as modern as possible.. which ended up in some pretty damn forced and badly executed films. ever since "Brother bear" from 2003 Disney didn't manage to spit out one single animated worthwhile film, they tried to be modern and tried to appeal everyone, and there fore appealed to no one. And with all the competition they got in computer animated movies, not only from Dream works and Pixar who are the two giants in computer animation, but also several independent makers as computer animation is also a cheaper and easier way to do movies and get them out. It is no wonder that the cash didn't get back to Disney.
So in the year 2008 and eight they decided to go along with a new plan. well, they had tried to be fresh and new and follow the times, being as hip as possible, and that was a bloody disaster. so know they decided to try and do the opposite. Be classic, go old, and try to draw on the good old days with "Snow white" "the little mermaid." and "beauty and the beast."

We saw the first product of that coming out last December, with the for the first time in six years hand drawn animation film "Princess and the Frog." a movie clearly trying to look like the olden days of little mermaid and beauty and the beast.
What that movie wins on is the pure nostaliga of it all. I had to see it just because it was Disney 2-D movie, and it's a very beautiful one of that. though all in all, it only holds up as an average childrens movie. not really coming close on the golden days of the early 90's sorry.

And the next product of trying to go back to the classic have just now come out with their interpretation of "Rapunzel." called Tangled.

I'm shocked. very shocked.

And not in a good way. this... is not a good movie.
At least it's entertaining and stuff happens and there is humour and colour and stuff.. but it is not good, not in the least, only to often I was left starring blankly at the screen not believing what I was seeing.

When you look at the posters and pictures of the movies, it does look like sort of the olden days girl princess movies.. or more accurately it looks like a barbie movie. Still fine, fairytale, classy. I can life with that. I love beauty and the beast which is a piece of very classic fairytale story telling.
But it's like this movie keeps bailing out and instead of going with the old tries to be new, and modern and fresh.
Quite frankly, from where I am standing classic fairy tale story telling is fresh, simply because no one does it.. the last one who did it was Steven Moffat in his last season of Doctor who.. before that I do have to go all the way back to Beauty and the beast.
And again, this movie tries to appeal to every soul on earth and then just falls flat on it's bum. the humour is just weird.. yeah so the thiefs are in reality just a bunch of granma's. you could not have told it in a weirder more abrupt and handpalm worthy way possible. At least our main just manages to stay light and likeable, though she is close at crossing the boarder. she just manages because she's so innocent. but damn it's close. our leading man and love interest.. well, supposedly he is just the sort of characer I have indeed been searching for in a long time. a true swush buckler who is manly, smuck and enjoys his fighting.. mostly. to bad he is not in a good movie and half his slapstick is so dump that I could hand palm himself.

Though the worst character.. is the villain. She is so god danm bland, and boring and uinteresting that it's ridicoulus! This movie, ladies and gents. feautures the worst Disney villain song in the history of Disney animated! look it up on youtube it is called "Mother knows best" if I didn't know better I would think it was made for a barbie movie.
Which lead us to the most mind numbing aspect of this movie. something that just shocked me out of my wits and left me flabbergasted long looong after the movie finished.

Alan Menken wrote the music for this movie. I freaking love Alan Menken, he wrote just about every single classic disney song known the man. he wrote songs for; The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, Pocahontas, Hunch back of Notre Dame and Hercules.

You can say what you want about those movies, but the songs are awesome and have very much personality! Menken have never ever made a boring sound track or boring songs. he have so many sides and so many different genres he can write for. so many catchy classic songs he have written, there is a reason why there is six Oscars on his shelf.

The songs in Tangled sucks.
Every single one of them. they are bland, they are boring, they lack personality and they just suck. And Alan Menken wrote them.

I am shocked, I am beyond shocked. he doesn't have a history of going downhill, this just came out of bloody no where. I have never seen it before, he always write good songs.
I have no idea what happened, if he is going senile, if he was abducted by aliens to have an impersonator write his music. if his puke really did mutated to try and start write music. I am clueless. And I can't put into words how shocked I am.
Even in my mind I can't put the awesomeness of "Belles of Notre Dame" into the same category of "When will my life begin." urgh.. even listen to the title and you know it's not good.

I am not saying this movie is bad because it's a girls movie. I am a girl, and I loved my barbie dolls when I was smaller, I applaud the idea of being classy instead of trying to be fresh and new.
To be honest, I don't think Pixar ever have in mind to appear fresh and new, they just want to tell a story. and Dream works also success best when they forget all about being fresh and new and just have fun with their story, I know "Megamind." might sounds like an attempt of being fresh, but it is a tribute to the good old 50's and 60's James bond/Superhero movies when you come down to it, which just have fun, and that's why it works. And I know people who made it had fun and liked making it, in Tangled I am unsure anyone even wanted to tell this story, if it was what they wanted to do. if they had fun or an idea where they were going or what they wanted.

It has no focus, doesn't know what it wants to be. I see few glimpses of brilliance and what the movie could have been only to be bashed away as the movie knows it's only small kids who is going to see it, and therefore treats the kids like idiots.
Kids are not idiots! stop treating them like it! neither are they made of porcelain and they love a bit of angst. Hunch Back of Notre dame is like the darkest disney movie ever, it came out when I was seven and I came out all right without nightmares, it was just very fascinating to me... if I remember correctly I even saw it twice in cinema. Kids can handle it, it's not that hard.
And if you do wanna go classic fairy tale, I applause it! very much! so go on do it. now one ever sat out to "Be fresh" when they became it.. it just something that happens when somebody is so intense in making their story work that without knowing it they came up with something new.
Everyone keeps saying Harry Potter became a success because it was fresh, yet on closer examination it is build up around ancient old story telling techniques. same goes for every other widely acclaimed franchise or movie out there. I don't know, this movie is just bad. I doubt guys will go in and see it anyhow as they will be scared by the posters, but even little princess obsessed girls will proabably have a better time watching Megamind that this, because at least that movie wants to be ridicoules and have way more focus than this. plus it doesn't have stinking bad songs in it. I love musicals, I love the old disney animated musicals. so it hurts me that this is not a bad movie, and it hurts me even more that for the first time ever I have experienced a bad bland Alan Menken sound track.

And is it just me, or have the movie world gone "Blond-ophobic." This is the first blond princess in beyound a decade, looking every way as the classy picture of a princess is, but yet she is not a real blond because that would be racist or something -_-;
Blonds are only ever allowed to either be a joke on the "Dump blond." or the smart professor nowadays. never ever classy, because that is both racisme towards blonds that they can be more than just a princess and towards people who are not blond as it it claiming blondness is perfection.... idiots. no one thinks that. ... I sincerely hope.


  1. Preach it sister! I’m a huge fan of Pixar and old Disney cartoon movies, not just for the style but because they deal in mature themes. These politically correct and shallow new ones make me want to throw up.

  2. I am white you I am white you.
    God the sound track was the biggest disappointment I ever had in cinema.
    Alan Menken is supposed to be a dependable children's song maker who writes at least one catchy show stopper and one nice princess song per movie which wins an oscar because it's so nice.
    There are attempts on such in this movie, but they suck! he isn't even going to be nominated at the next Oscar hand out I can tell you that much.